cuz i can be a dummy at times!

if you are in the lo-o-o-ong adoption process of waiting and waiting, one thing you know to do is to KEEP busy. rather than driving myself crazy with anxiety (what should we be doing?) or worry (what if this is the wrong path to take?) or hopelessness (will this ever happen?), i'm trying to keep BUSY.

one thing that's keeping me busy is my music. i've been singing ever since i can remember, with my family, in choirs, in church, in my bedroom, etc! A year ago, after leading a worship band for 7 years at my amazing church, i was feeling absolutely burnt out and in need of a rest. that's when i passed on the 'baton' to an amazing young lady and since have been pursuing music on a personal level. i have a gig at a coffee shop in just under a month! i'm really excited. i can't explain how good to feels to sing and let out this passion of mine. right now we (my guitarist guru dale, and i) are just doing some r&b/soul/singer-songwriter covers but i'm hoping to work on some original stuff too.

besides friends, crossfit (oh yes, i am one of those), hanging out with my husband and/or trusty pooch and the plethora of other activities, i'm also trying to keep learning about adoption and immersing myself.

one book i was pleasantly surprised by was: "adoption for dummies"! who knew!?

this little gem had a few great chapters that i wanted to share.

the first, of course, being "Doing Hard Time: The Wait". A few helpful tips I found were looking for a doctor, getting a room ready (noooot sure if i want to jump at this too quickly), taking parenting classes, working on an adoption announcement and an adoption memory book, and educating myself.

the other chapter i absolutely loved was "God Bless the Birthmothers".  this chapter started off blasting myths and setting the record straight. Birthmothers are many varying races. They've been college students, school dropouts and master-degreed. They've been married and single, fat and thin, tall and short, wealthy and poor.

"A birthmother could be the girl next door, your cousin, your co-worker or even your mother. She doesn't wear a scarlet letter to identify herself, and she's not easily recognizable. You probably know one."

I love that. I wonder about our birthmom(s) and what our relationship will be like. I WANT it to be open and healthy and respectful. i try to remember to pray for her often, wherever she is, whatever she's doing.

To continue, here are some other myths that are blasted:

Myth 1: Most are Teenagers (not true, average age is mid 20's)
Myth 2: She "doesn't want" her child. (couldn't be further from the truth. they love them so much, but due to so many factors, can't parent them)
Myth 3: They're monsters who don't care for their children (ummmm nope.)


And who she is to our child is a key in how their identity will be formed.

"A young child might refer to his birthmother as "my birth mommy", "my birthy lady", "the lady who grew me in her tummy", or many other variations.  Some children refer to their birthmother by her first name. But, whever they call her, she's an important person in their lives."

last summer we had the opportunity to chat with a family member who has adopted twice. both of the family's experiences with birthmoms were quite different. and as they related their story to us, and looked back on the experience - they realized that having close(r) contact with their child's birthmom ended up being healthier in the long run.

i don't know what life will look like for us in the future, but i desire to be fully open with our child and make adoption an inclusive and positive part of our family's speech. i want to have a relationship with our birthmom and her to have a relationship with our child.

and while we wait.... we hope. and pray.