That came so quickly. Another year. And my last post was ALMOST a year ago. There have been many times through this past year when I've thought, "Hey I should blog about this!" or .."Ugh. I really should update our blog." The first thought excitement, the latter guilt. Where/how do we get these silly feelings of guilt over a BLOG POST? At the end of the day, who really cares? Yes, yes, I know you - dear reader - care. But I trust you all know me enough to catch up as needed and check in on me when I come to mind - as I try to do with all of my dear friends.
Anyways, looking back - it's been a great year. Thinking back to last January- I recall that one of my goals for 2014 for was to emotionally and mentally healthier. Maybe not completely FIXED but at least better. The stresses and the ups and downs of life seem to affect me and throw me off more than - say my husband. When the stress of work, relationships, marriage, adoption or whatever weighs on me - it tends to affect my sleep and mental well being. And I wanted to CHANGE and grow. I feel like I DID change and grow somewhat. YAY!
The tidal waves of anxiety seemed to mount up in August and I knew I had to seek out help. Thankfully a new friend has been meeting with me on and off since late summer and we've been talking and praying through things that have helped me immensely.
And it's weird, because as soon as I started to see results - I wanted to claim it was ME. Or essential oils (yes, I'm on the bandwagon!). But I think when I finally put a name to it - and said - Hey, God - it's YOU fixing me. It's you cleaning out the clutter and deep dark places in my soul. It's YOU taking the broken pieces in my life and the sad memories and the things that I've buried deep and replacing them with wide open places and deep, fresh breaths and giving me a glimmer of hope and peace for the future.
And I felt that as soon as I'd given the glory back to God (such a simple thing to do) everything seemed to click into place. Not that my life is perfect or together or great most days. But just by passing on the glory to Him, it felt like suddenly, quietly, mysteriously my life started to course correct properly.
So this year has been good. I've felt more myself in many ways than a long time. Enjoying life again. Pursuing music again. Allowing myself to laugh. Allowing myself to grieve and BE angry sometimes. Giving myself permission to be... happy.
