almost a year in

well....the other day we received a letter which andrew promptly ripped into. 

And... it was simply a letter affirming our wait on the domestic list here in Saskatchewan. bright side: we are getting communication from the ministry. dark side: we are still waiting with absolutely no end in sight. 

It doesn't really matter how many times you get told that the wait is a few years... It still is hard to wait. It feels like ages already. Couple 6 years of TTC and a year on the adoption list.... And I feel like it will never happen.

For any of those adoptive moms out there... Does the time melt away once your child comes along? Do you feel like you ever resent your child for taking your free time away all of a sudden? Sometimes I worry that I have romanticized how it will feel to actually have OUR child with us, in our day to day lives and be with us forever.

And then I usually remind myself that somehow and in someway God has "set aside" a special little person exactly right for me and andrew. 

and another one

i don't really have any words to describe what i feel on this mother's day. so i wanted to direct everyone to this amazing post by an adoptive mommy, misty. she sort of says everything that i am clinging to today.

"Dear Mothers-in-Waiting"

the blogger says:

This is my first Mother’s Day and my heart is feeling so many things. I am overjoyed because of what God has done, but I pray I will never forget from where I came! I pray I will never forget year, after year, sitting in church on Mother’s Day Sunday weeping tears of despair. I will never forget God’s arms wrapped tightly around me, whispering, “For I know the plans have for you! They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope!”

 somedays it feels like i'll be waiting forever.

and then she adds this amazing piece:

So, Mother’s-to-be, know that today your Abba is holding you and preparing for you far better than you can imagine! Keep waiting with great expectation of what He will do!

 

it's been a year

this past week i realized - whoa! it's been a year that andrew shockingly told me that he was 'ready' to adopt. ready to move forward in this journey of building our family. i remember feeling flooded with joy, my mind immediately buzzing with possibilities and new dreams coming to life. a whole year since then!

since then, i've educated myself with a variety of books, blogs and websites. i've been able to meet some new friends who are in the process of adoption (international and domestic) and we're working on creating/maintaining a monthly support group for ourselves.

we also came to the conclusion that international adoption just didn't feel like the right direction for us, and we committed to domestic adoption here in our province for now. we may or may not decide to pursue international at some point.

it's been a great year. somewhere along the line, i decided i was going to stop 'wasting' my 30's and moaning and groaning the fact that our child isn't here yet, and i was going to live life to the fullest. and ENJOY life. here's a quote that kept coming back to me.

i was letting life slip past my fingers and couldn't see the moments i was living in, were WORTH living for.

here i have this amazing husband, great job, cozy home, incredible + caring friends, loving + supportive family, etc etc and i'm letting my envy and jealousy and COMPARING rob me of that.

no more!

so, this year i've decided to start LIVING again.

i am pursuing music as hard as i can. trying to sing more and force myself on the piano as much as possible. maybe even write some music.

taking a break from a few things ministry wise, and focus on the things that truly inspire me, like relationships, people and loving the amazing people around me.

andrew and i are both eating well (paleo, if you care to know ;) and we JUST joined a local CrossFit (google if you care to know!) it's SO much fun to have a hobby to enjoy together. (something we've been trying to find for years!)

lastly, i am so excited for this next chapter of life for us. we don't know how or when schroeder junior will join our family but it's inevitable. as we launch into some basement renos, it gives me a sense of joy and maybe some 'nesting-y' emotions - we are getting ready and preparing for this next season.

i am so excited about adopting. every month i fall more and more in love with adoption. it's scary, challenging, ugly, full of love, and completely beautiful. i'm hoping to post soon and try to expand on why i love it so much.

adoption has (over time) become our first choice and we are looking forward to what this new year could bring.

got in

well, we were accepted into the Domestic Program here in Saskatchewan in mid November. Yay! I guess we don't seem too scary. ha ha.

the wait time is currently 2-5 years for an adoption, but of course, could be shorter or could be longer. This all depends on so many factors. Another possibility is through a private adoption. feel free to email me or leave a comment if you're curious about that.

One bonus is that the Ministry of Social Services now allows waiting adoptive parents to be on both Domestic and International lists. In other words, we could apply to an International country in the meantime, and if a referral came in, our Domestic file would be suspended if that adoption went through.

Some people have asked me if we can apply for adoption WITHIN Canada.  Yes, technically we can. Of course, the children available in other provinces are typically on the waiting children's list. They are older and may have minor to severe special needs. Since we don't currently feel we are ready to adopt an older child or one with special needs, this wouldn't be ideal for us.


it's hard to process thinking of yet another 5 years of waiting. I'm trying hard not to think of it in terms of years... mostly I try to take it one day at a time and try to enjoy the time we have without kids (and sleep!)

thanks for checking in.

walkin...

today andrew, dad, sister and i all participated in the SaskAdoptWalk 2012.  this walk has been happening here in Saskatoon for a few years now and raises support for:

• Offering post-secondary education scholarships for adoptees.
• Scholarships for students entering the field of Social Work with a special interest in adoption.
• Educating the public and raising awareness about the children in our province who would benefit from the permanency of adoption.
• Raising general awareness about adoption.

andrew and my sister walked the full 5km track, while my dad and i did about 3.5km. so fun!

the best part of today was seeing the wide variety of families, old and young, with varied (and beautiful) skin tones walking the track. my favorite was an adorable, chubby toddler with beautiful curly hair and dark cocoa skin running after the 'bayoons".

seeing the beautiful families and these precious children gives me hope for our future. we have no idea how or when our child will come into our home, but it WILL happen and hope is a precious commodity these days.

thank you God for hope. and family.

it's in the mail

ok. so tonight we FINAAAAALLLLLYYYYY finished up our domestic adoption application and sent it off 6 minutes ago. Yahoooo. It feels so good to just get it out of our hands and off in the mail and straight into God's hands. Love that I'M so not in charge of this whole thing and if He wants to speed up the very lengthy process, He could do that.

sometimes it's very hard to believe that we will ever actually be a 'family' or have a child in our home. we've waited so long already, and it's easy for me (as a pessimist) to feel hopeless in the situation.  I'm trying to surround myself with positive stories and happy endings. Otherwise I tend to drown in a puddle of pessimism. ha ha.

i also wanted to share a very special event taking place here in saskatoon this upcoming friday. End the Wait will be happening at Hope Fellowship Church.

"Attend an End the Wait seminar, available in Saskatoon this fall. If you’ve ever considered adoption, have adopted or would like to do more to support foster and adoptive families in your community, this event is for you."  

And Orphan Sunday is coming up on Sunday, November 4th. You can watch the official video below!


Orphan Sunday 2012 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

the everlasting application

well, it's been over a month since our last update. and i wanted to keep everyone posted on what's happening on our little world.

we are still working on our domestic application. not that it's a long application, or requires a ton of paperwork. the hard part is making the various decisions that come with the application.  these decisions range from birth parent history, mental limitations to sensory loss and everything in between. lots of things to iron out and decide.

we're hoping to finish it up this weekend.

andrew and i recently celebrated our 9th anniversary. crazy!  but it feels so good to be on this journey, this time around, and to anticipate what the year may bring.